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Drop Dead, Gorgeous [2/3]
Date: 2012-01-20 07:04 pm (UTC)There was a beat of silence. Arcade coughed awkwardly.
"So. Uhm. Huh. I guess that's....hmm. That is what you were...what you were yelling about... Veronica?"
Cass blinked. "God damn it. I am way too drunk to deal with this- or, hell, maybe not drunk enough."
Standing before them was the stoic sniper, Craig Boone, former 1st Recon Red Beret and resident terror of Mojave's legionaries... standing in a black and red, satin ball gown.
The dress was long, floor length, but a slit in the leg was cut dangerously high, exposing a single stocky leg. The hips of the dress clung tightly to Boone's somewhat boxy frame, frilly straps stretched ridiculously over his broad shoulders. To top it all off, a bright red fabric flower sat pathetically on his hip, petals limp and pressed against his bare thigh. The dress was practically wilting in shame, much like the man occupying it.
Veronica's pointed a single, accusatory finger at Boone. "That dress," she fumed."It's....it's BEAUTIFUL ! How COULD you?"
Cass, Arcade, the Courier, and even Boone, all slowly turned to stare at Veronica's scandalized expression, question marks floating above their collective heads.
".... what." Boone deadpanned.
The courier tugged at the collar of his vault suit nervously. "Now, Veronica," he tried. "Don't go gettin' all worked up over it, I can explain-"
"EXPLAIN?" She cried, voice yet again hitting notes that caused Rex to shudder. "Yeah, you'd better start explaining! Explain to me why you find a gorgeous, perfectly preserved, pre-war dress so perfect it was probably willed into existence by my fantasies alone, and your first thought isn't 'oh gee! This reminds me! Veronica's been so good, so helpful to me, and all she's ever really asked for was something nice to wear, a little pretty something-something to have for herself. Maybe she would like this fairy-tale dress!' "
Veronica dropped her finger, fixing the courier with a stare so dark even Cass averted her eyes. The merchant quietly slipped out of the room, mumbling something about it being "too early for this shit".
Paying no mind, Veronica continued. "No. Nope, your first thought was to give this dress to Boone. Boone! Craig I-turn-my-underwear-inside-out-it-and-its-clean-again Boone!"
"Hey!" Boone hissed. "You promised not to tell anyone about that!"
Veronica waved him off. "Whatever. I hope you enjoy it. I hope you enjoy your perfect dress Boone, maybe the courier will take you somewhere nice in it. Hey! Maybe he'll take you down to the stables to give you that pony I always wanted, too! Then the two of you can ride Buttercup into the sunset, laughing together as his golden hooves clip-clop all over my hopes and dreams."
"Now Veronica, you're bein' a bit dramatic!" The courier tried again, reaching out to try and lay a hand on her shoulder. "Listen. I HAD to give it to Boone. When we woke up in that hellhole of a casino they took everything from us! Everything. Guess they couldn't figure out my vault suit, 'cause I still had it on, but poor Boone had nothin' at all! It was the first thing I could find, and he needed something to cover himself." He held out his hands, palms turned up in exasperation. "What would you have me do?"
Drop Dead, Gorgeous [3/3]
Date: 2012-01-20 07:09 pm (UTC)"Hm. I see. Say... you know that move I'm always using, the one you want me to show you so badly?"
The courier's eyes lit up. "The scribe counter? Yeah, I know it! You're gonna teach me? Finally?"
Veronica's eyes narrowed. "You've hurt me, Courier. You've hurt me and put an irreparable strain on our friendship that, quite frankly, I may never truly get over. And I am taking the knowledge of the scribe counter with me to the grave. I will NEVER teach you how to do it."
The courier's face fell. His pleas, however, fell on deaf ears as Veronica stormed angrily out of the room, Courier begging at her heels for forgiveness.
Rex following the chaotic pair, yipping happily behind them. Loud noises! Yelling! Master's games were such great fun! It was so good to have everyone home again.
And then there were two. Arcade turned to Boone, who was currently in the process of pulling the dress down and off over his hips.
Oh. Oh!
Arcade cleared his throat, politely averting his eyes. "So," he attempted, rubbing a hand behind his neck. "That was really, uh. Yeah. Glad to, you know. Good to see you guys back. Safe and everything, I mean. But um. Is it really necessary to take that off, right here?"
He chanced a look at Boone's face, and Boone met his gaze dead-on. There was a pained look in his eyes. "This," he gestured to his himself and damn it, Arcade, don't look. Don't look. "This is less humiliating," he affirmed, stepping out of the dress pile and kicking the silk bundle to the side, clad now in nothing but his grey, tattered smalls. Dropping his gaze, he turned his (naked) back to the other man and made his way to his room.
Arcade knew it was wrong, he knew it, but he just couldn't help himself from sneaking a sideways glance at Boone's backside under the thin (and, thankfully, NOT inside-out) fabric as the other man ambled away. 'Bad Arcade', he scolded himself, appreciating the muscular curve of the sniper's strong thighs as they disappeared around the corner of the hallway. 'Very, very bad.'
Arcade felt the distinct, unnerving sensation of someone staring. Guiltily, he turned his head and was met with the glowing smile of Yes Man, beaming happily from his securitron housing.
That freaky bot had been standing there the entire time.
"You. You saw nothing," Arcade threatened, pointing a warning finger at the robot. He turned to leave, giving Yes Man a final, withering look before turning to go retrieve his long-overdue Sunset Sarsaparilla.
And, if he was lucky, maybe catch one last glimpse of an agitated Boone bending over into his wardrobe, trying desperately to find something decidedly less traumatic to wear.
OP
Date: 2012-01-20 07:14 pm (UTC)That was so brilliant, and I loved it, and you're awesome! Awesome x a million. :D I can't stop grinning and re-reading it.
Re: OP
Date: 2012-01-20 07:26 pm (UTC)Re: OP
Date: 2012-01-20 07:39 pm (UTC)It was my day off, and I have email alerts, so I got lucky and saw them as they were posted. Made my WEEK.
Yes, I'm still giggling at the idea that the dress was drooping in shame and Veronica was furious.
I seriously hadn't imagined anything even half as good. You're fabulous.
Re: Drop Dead, Gorgeous [3/3]
Date: 2012-01-21 11:23 pm (UTC)Brb A!A, loling forever.
This whole thing is just made of win.
Re: Drop Dead, Gorgeous [3/3]
Date: 2012-01-29 04:37 am (UTC)Re: Drop Dead, Gorgeous [3/3]
Date: 2012-03-13 11:57 am (UTC)ahahahhaa Veronica's whole rant is a work of genius :D