![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Welcome to the Fallout Kink Meme, Part IV! Please assume the position.
- Fallout Kink Meme posting guidelines
- Read something? Love something? No matter how old the story is, please let our amazing authors and artists know that you enjoyed their work with a nice comment, and share the love by recommending your favorite fills!
James/Very Good Karma F!LW noncon
Date: 2012-02-04 07:40 am (UTC)there's been a few James/F!LW noncons on the wiki and well, I've noticed they've generally had the classic "ooh she's a bad girl askin' to be punished"
frankly it kinda squicks me for some reason? but i'm entirely okay with an angelic LW getting abused by daddy.
but! i want lots of guilt on james's part. he knows he's hurting his little girl, but he can't stop.
and, uh, no "and then in the future she got revenge!" cus that also kinda squicks me out really bad. u_u; i hope you understand me, kink meme
Re: James/Very Good Karma F!LW noncon pot a!a
Date: 2012-02-04 03:38 pm (UTC)Can I just ask what other things you don't wish to see?
Re: James/Very Good Karma F!LW noncon pot a!a
Date: 2012-03-03 05:22 am (UTC)secondly! theres nothing that doesnt squick me bad other than the stuff ive listed.
third! if you could id kinda like the attraction to be something a bit long-term and onesided on james' part? just having james suddenly decided "MAN my kid's HOT" is kinda gross? thats pretty much it! i am very versatile for most kinks.
and finally! thank you very much for asking if there were any more off-limits things! (◡‿◡✿) its very considerate. i do hope you pick this prompt up and raise it into a strong, independent young fill!
Gaslighting 1/?
Date: 2012-03-03 05:53 am (UTC)Characters/Pairings: James/F!LW
Kinks: Incest, abuse, noncon, drugs, angst
Summary: The Lone Wanderer remembers being raped by her father the night before he left the Vault. Trouble is, she's not sure she can trust her memories.
Author's Note: Fuck, this came out depressing. You've been warned.
She was her father's daughter. Whatever the G.O.A.T. said about her future as a tattoo artist, Hannah was a scientist from the time she could crawl. Insatiably curious, she always had to pick things apart or open up hidden spaces, her appetite for discovery matched only by her love of books. She continued after leaving the vault, hoarding every pre-war novel or textbook she could find and staying up through the night reading them.
One book told her about something called the Seduction Theory. At first, Sigmund Freud believed women who said they had been raped by their fathers, but as the sheer number of them grew, he wondered if something else was going on. Perhaps they had created false memories, memories which both satisfied their shameful crushes on their fathers and wracked them with trauma of its own.
The alternative- the idea that so much of society was founded upon abuse and incest- was too horrifying for the poor doctor to believe.
She also read a story set in pre-war America, in a town called Salem. Young Goodman Brown sees his family worshiping the devil, and is tormented the rest of his life by the question of whether or not what he saw was a dream.
Hannah could relate to both the doctor and the puritan. People thought she was a sucker when she took every shit job they offered; she couldn't tell them she was putting off the search for her dad as long as possible. Because when she found him, she'd have to decide what to say.
Dad, I think I'm going crazy.
Don't call yourself a father. Fathers don't do that to their daughters.
What did you do the night before you left?
Or maybe it would be better not to ask him. If she was wrong, she wouldn't break his heart by slandering him. If she was right, she would never have to know. She could go on like she was now- it wasn't so unbearable, was it?
Most days were fine. She worked for Moira, and gave short answers when anyone asked about her family. Faces in Megaton had been friendly since she disarmed the bomb, but not overbearingly so. Attractive men were few and far between, so she didn't have to make any decisions in that regard; the only man she could have fallen for was married, and a wannabe vampire to boot. Her dog was company enough, and the radio kept her upbeat during the day.
Most nights were fine, too. It was only sometimes, when she couldn't get to sleep, that she remembered what might have been a dream.
Re: Gaslighting 1/?
Date: 2012-03-03 03:28 pm (UTC)Re: Gaslighting 1/?
Date: 2012-03-03 03:41 pm (UTC)Re: Gaslighting 1/?
Date: 2012-03-07 12:30 am (UTC)Gaslighting 2/?
Date: 2012-03-07 06:24 am (UTC)She remembered her eyes flickering open, to see a blurry shape sitting beside her. She'd mumbled something, then been quieted by what sounded like her father's voice. She could only just register that she was naked before her eyelids fluttered closed again.
Another snapshot, another temporary waking- the second time, it had been to feel a kiss upon her forehead. Her father held her, and his chest was bare. The blankets had fallen to the floor.
From then on, she'd stayed 'awake', but with the amount of confusion she might as well have been asleep. She'd felt something between her legs, and as her eyes tried to focus on the ceiling, there was a sudden pain. Even in her semi-aware state, she'd recognized the sex act, and when she started to cry, her father's voice had soothed her. She couldn't remember exactly what he said to her, only the words "love" and "forgive" here and there.
She'd lost consciousness again once the thrusts had turned gentle, but the darkness came first- had someone held a hand over her eyes? The next time she opened them had been when Amata shook her, telling her to wake up before she was killed.
Her father was gone. That fact was only slightly harder to believe than what she had just experienced. Just a dream, after all, but it hadn't followed dream logic; but if not a dream, then what?
Three-Dog didn't understand when she asked him not to talk about her father, but he obliged her. Saying her relationship with him was private was an easier explanation than the truth. "Sorry, Three-Dog, but your Wasteland savior drugged and raped his own daughter." Or more accurately, might have.
He wouldn't have believed her if she'd said it. Neither would the other doctors. They loved him, as she had- as she still did, rather. That was what made it so hard for her to believe her own story. He wouldn't do that, just wasn't the kind of man. She'd just had a rough night, her subconscious playing tricks on her the way hypnosis had done to Freud's gentlewomen.
If she hadn't still loved her father, she would have stopped looking for him. And yet, when she could no longer stall, she found herself cracking open old Vaults and entering simulations in his name. That meant something, didn't it? She couldn't have felt loyalty for her father if he'd really abused her.
Not a father, hissed an ugly part of her brain. Fathers don't do that to their daughters.
Re: Gaslighting 2/?
Date: 2012-03-07 09:50 pm (UTC)Never stop~ <3 <3 <3
Re: Gaslighting 2/?
Date: 2012-03-14 02:22 am (UTC)Re: Gaslighting 2/?
Date: 2012-03-14 04:43 am (UTC)Re: Gaslighting 2/?
Date: 2012-03-14 04:56 am (UTC)Gaslighting 3/?
Date: 2012-03-15 03:41 am (UTC)Hannah had never been good with children.
"Go fuck yourself," she told Betty, before turning around and walking away. "I'll find him on my own." Maybe she would and maybe she wouldn't, but she wasn't going to find him as a beggar, playing cruel and stupid games in a desperate effort to squeeze help out of Little Miss Bad Seed.
"Fine! See if I care! You'll be back!" Hannah was pretty sure Betty stuck her tongue out at her, but didn't turn around to find out. So what if she had to waste a little time in a brown-tinted town? At least there weren't any Deathclaws, and she knew her father had to be around somewhere.
He could be anyone. The thought didn't feel as comforting as Hannah would have liked. It meant that she couldn't let anyone see her looking scared or upset, just in case it was him. There were many things she wanted from her father, primarily answers, but comfort was not one of them.
The only person she did feel comfortable talking to was a crazy old woman on the street. She was positive this was not him, and if it was, she couldn't seem like more of a wreck in comparison. She listened to the woman's ramblings, taking in what she said, and tried to figure out the best possible solution.
Within an hour, Hannah had become a mass murderer.
***
The first thing to do once she had woken up from the simulation was to finish the job. Not waiting for her father's pod to open, she marched over to the one containing Braun. The butt of her gun smashed the glass, and a bullet to his head ended his miserable existence. She would have to schedule time later to contemplate the sheer enormity of her crimes, if indeed they had been crimes; they were mercy killings, yes, and Braun would have tormented them forever if she hadn't ended it...
Guilt, however, doesn't work on schedule. Hannah's knees buckled, and she fell to the floor wracked wracked with silent sobs. They had to be silent, she had to act as if she had merely stumbled, because the other pod would open any minute-
"Hannah? Honey, what are you doing here?"
Guilt didn't work on schedule, and neither did anything else.
Re: Gaslighting 3/?
Date: 2012-03-15 04:26 am (UTC)Re: Gaslighting 3/?
Date: 2012-03-15 08:09 pm (UTC)Gaslighting 4/5
Date: 2012-03-18 01:52 am (UTC)"You shouldn't have come after me, Hannah. I left you behind because of the danger!"
"I didn't have a choice." Hannah took a deep breath and rose to her feet. "The Overseer tried to kill me after you left. Did you really think you could just walk away and I'd be fine?"
Her father was the one who couldn't meet her eyes, now.
"I ruined everything for you, then. Oh god, Hannah, I never meant for any of this." He could have meant anything by it; the simplicity principle would suggest it was only what it seemed to be. An apology for getting her exiled, nothing more.
"My life isn't over yet. A bit early to say it's ruined."
"I'm glad to see you though, honey. I never thought I would again." Her father embraced her, and for a moment Hannah let herself forget everything. If she just pretended she didn't have that one mad memory, it could be like it once was; a father and daughter, together against the world. She'd been crazy to believe a dream, crazy to think her father would ever hurt her.
"We'll go find Doctor Li," he was saying. "You must have met her if you tracked me down. You've always been such a bright girl, there's so much you can help with. And I promise, I never would have left if it wasn't a matter of life and death for the wasteland; I'm sure the cause will capture your heart as it did mine."
"Yeah, dad. It sounds fine."
I had a dream about you, but I can forget it.
I'm going crazy, though, so you'll have to get me checked out.
Not my father. Fathers don't do that to their daughters.
So many things she could say or not say, things that were genuinely mad. She could keep her mouth shut and let things take their course, and maybe she would be alright. Or maybe if she wasn't mad already, the uncertainty would drive her mad. She could tell herself that she'd never ask any of those questions out loud, but they would play in her head for the rest of her life.
"No. Wait. Actually, it's not fine."
A deep breath. Then another.
"Dad. Do you know what the word gaslighting means?"
Re: Gaslighting 4/5
Date: 2012-03-18 02:03 am (UTC)Never stop, a!a! <3 <3 <3
Gaslighting 5/5
Date: 2012-04-09 03:19 am (UTC)"Gaslighting. It's a psychological term, named after a play. It's when you try to convince someone that they can't trust their own perceptions of reality."
"I know what it means, Hannah."
Stop now, her mind was screaming. Stop now and be his little girl. It gets worse from here, stop while you can.
"I got sick the night you left," she continued. "Out in the Wasteland, I've had to play doctor a few times, figure out what drugs can be used as medicine. And I what I remember matches up to-"
Another deep breath.
"You drugged me."
Her father nodded his head.
"I wanted you to sleep...not to know I was leaving. It was cowardly, I know."
There was guilt in his voice. There was no guilt in her childhood memories of him; he’d always been the calm moral authority, sometimes making mistakes but nothing that couldn’t be fixed. There was nothing her father couldn’t fix, until suddenly he threw the entire world out of order.
“Okay. It’s good to hear that from you. Good because I thought I was crazy- maybe you didn’t mean to, but you made me sick worrying I’d lost my mind. Not just about getting sleepy, about- about other things. And I didn’t think I could trust my own mind, because you never said a word about drugging me.”
And drugging is enough to accuse your father of, he’s already apologized...
He was saying nothing in response, only nodding his head. She wasn’t supposed to be the moral authority over her own father, no matter how many times she’d wished it in her rebellious years. Only one more question was left now, only one more breath to take before she said it...
“And I thought I was crazy because of what I saw after you drugged me. I want you to look me in the eye and tell me nothing happened.”
When she knew what she’d done on Tranquility Lane, Hannah’s body had temporarily given out on her. Her father had always been made of sterner stuff, though. He didn’t fall to the ground, and his knees only slightly buckled. If she’d watched it in slow-motion, she would have seen a slight twitch of one eye; only by that could she pinpoint the moment where her father began to crumble.
“You saved my life just now,” he whispered. “Why?”
“You were my father.” The words came easier than she could have imagined. “Were. Fathers don’t do that to their daughters.”
James- she could think of him with that name now- shook his head desperately.
“I ran. I couldn’t take you with me, couldn’t face you again...oh god, Hannah! I haven't been able sleep without pills, I need to focus on my work because that's all I have left! I needed there to be one thing your mother left behind I didn't ruin, didn't destroy through my own weakness!”
“Did you? Run away from guilt, I mean. Maybe you did it in the first place so you wouldn’t be able to come back. Make it so you wouldn’t dare try and see me. I guess it doesn’t matter why.”
Hannah slung her rifle back over her shoulder, moving as she spoke- that way, she’d have less time to have to think.
“I’m sure your project is very important. The thing is, though, I won’t be part of it. Because every time I heard one of those doctors talk about you with such hope in their voice, I would have to bite back the urge to tell them what you did. That’s your job- you did it, you should have to say the words aloud.”
James was visibly shaking, whispereing something inaudible. Once again she thought she heard the words “love” and “forgive,” but she couldn’t be sure.
“Maybe some day I’ll be able to see you again. Forgive you. Something like that. YYou think you had the power to ruin my life, and right now I'm just going to focus on proving you wrong. And that’s something you can’t be a part of- not now, maybe not ever.”
Say it now, say you forgive him. You can’t leave him like that. Stopitstopitstopit make everything right, oh please forget this all-
“My dog’s waiting for me.”
By now, the sound of a Vault door closing behind her was familiar. When Hannah walked out, she didn't give a second glance to see whether it opened again.
Re: Gaslighting 5/5
Date: 2012-04-10 09:23 pm (UTC)Re: Gaslighting 5/5
Date: 2013-07-21 10:31 pm (UTC)Re: Gaslighting 5/5
Date: 2013-07-21 11:29 pm (UTC)Re: Gaslighting 5/5
Date: 2013-11-23 09:23 pm (UTC)Re: Gaslighting 5/5
Date: 2014-11-13 07:29 pm (UTC)