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Skinless 3d/?
Date: 2012-05-16 01:02 pm (UTC)“Soon as you’re patched up enough, we’re taking you back to
Megaton. I think you’ve done enough adventuring for now.”
I feel like an idiot, but a relieved, safe, alive idiot. I couldn’t ask for much more.
“Thank you,” I tell him again, earnestly. “Thank you.”
Gob shrugs. He puts another bottle of water and a can of something called Pork n Beans on the table next to me. “I’m going downstairs to keep watch. Eat that, drink that, rest up.”
He stands up, casting a shadow across me. It occurs to me that no one’s really saved my life before. Life-saving seems to be a thing that generally goes on out here, and now everything I do, every day I make it, it’s all going to be down to him.
I’ve got no idea how you even start repaying a debt like that.
He heads downstairs, leaving the door to my room ajar. The food isn’t bad, and the water’s still a relief. I’m hungry even after I finish, but I’ve got a feeling that’s going to be the standard state of affairs for quite a while. I’m calmer, now, and even though I ache all over it’s the kind of dull ache that tells me I’m already starting to heal.
I hear a low, happy bark from downstairs, and Gob’s gravelly voice making ‘hush’ noises. I guess the ‘we’ he mentioned involved a dog – or whatever counts as dogs out here. Even in the middle of nowhere, fucked up and bed-bound, I can’t help but be a little excited. I’ve always wanted a pet, and dogs...well. They’re frankly the fucking best.
I feel tired, but I’m unwilling to go straight back to sleep. I feel like I’ve got to make sense of everything that’s just happened, or I’m going to go crazy. So I just sit here, staring at my hands like I expect to see them suddenly sprout wings or something. I think about Megaton, and Gob, and the raiders. I think about what Fairfax and Andale might be like. I think about Amata and everyone in the vault. I think about my dad.
I’m not sure at what point I start crying again. It kind of hits me out of nowhere and suddenly I feel suffocated, drowning, trapped, because I don’t belong here and this is the world now, and what the hell am I supposed to do?
It gets dark. The room gets colder and I’m still crying. I’m shaking, I’m sobbing, and everything is turning over and over in my head –
After a while, I hiccup and stop crying. I don’t know what, but something has changed. I poke around my brain, looking for the sense of despair I’d just been feeling, the desperation. It isn’t there.
What is there, though, is a cold, empty feeling of desolation. Under the desolation, though, is something else, something hard and shining and defiant. I’ve never thought of myself as strong, and if you’d explained this situation to me a month ago I’d have assured you that I’d go to pieces and never pull myself together. But now, out here, in the dust and the dark with the taste of old, old meat in the back of my throat...
I don’t want to die, and I don’t want to give up. I don’t want to go to pieces. I don’t want to keep crying, and faltering, and flipping out. I don’t want to need rescuing.
I want to survive.
It seems like the simplest, most primal thing in the world, so that’s what I decide to do.
*
Re: Skinless 3d/?
Date: 2012-05-23 12:40 am (UTC)